final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what day is it and did you see me today?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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