you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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