I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
