There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
