They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
