i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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