So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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