I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
