your parents love me but you hate me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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