Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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