I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
