Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
