a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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