8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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