Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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