Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
