What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
