The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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