1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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