how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
accomplished twins. life is a go
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.