Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.