are you wasted or are you getting laid?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.