My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.