after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing