somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
