u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
