Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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