Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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