I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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