Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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