I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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