im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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