are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
