If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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