I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
jump out the window naked night went bad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
