the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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