i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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