It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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