My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Panties = found
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
