gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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