All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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