um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
