Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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