Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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