apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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