yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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