I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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