Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
