I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
