i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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