i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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