He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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