You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize