the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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